Listen, we can't avoid adversity. A common thing happens when one is on their healing journey, we learn how to identify red flags. Then we learn how to change the way we think and act around the red flags. Then we get to this mindset that "if I can just learn how to never come across another red flag I will finally be happy."
The reality is that red flags and adversity won't ever go away because stress and adversity help us to evolve, the evolution of our self and our soul. Mindfulness can be a HUGE tool in helping us evolve to be more resilient to the big and small stresses on our life journey.
Mindfulness is a therapeutic technique of the practice of being in the present moment which brings awareness to the mind, body, and emotions.
In this article I will show you how to use mindfulness in helping you to learn how to decode and understand why you reacted (with action and emotion) to an adversity and to learn how to become more resilient to adversity.
In the workbook, The Resilience Factor (I highly recommend you buy it), the authors, Karen Reivich, Ph.D and Andrew Shatte, Ph.D, teach you a model called Learning Your ABC's which teach you how to observe your thoughts and beliefs when adversity happens.
A = adversity - anything that creates a stress response reaction
B = beliefs - what are your thoughts saying?
C = consequence - a reaction or emotion
If you are new to mindfulness this will be a very simple way for you to begin to observe. When an adversity occurs; ex: someone was rude to you, you may have the quick gut reaction to say something or feel a big overwhelming emotion. What mindfulness will teach you is how to observe what you are thinking and feeling in reaction to the adversity before you then react to the adversity.
Sometimes our big emotions can feel very overwhelming making it hard to focus and make good decisions. We end up reacting while in that clouded vision. The gold in this process is the observation of thoughts. It will tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about what you're feeling and why. When we understand why we are feeling the way we are about the adversity now we know what to DO about it. The biggest hurdle to overcome in these moments is learning to slow down. Sometimes we don't have to react at all. Or maybe we need time to digest to understand your best approach.
Your reaction doesn't always have to be immediate if your vision is clouded with swirling thoughts. Gift yourself the grace to understand your thoughts and needs before you take action.
When we have learned this level of self-awareness, we become more deeply rooted and steadfast in the torrential winds of adversity. We are able to adopt a foresight understanding of how to act (instead of react) to adversity mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. You will learn to be able to weather any storm and to be as resilient as an oak tree.
Enjoy the video explaining more about the ABC's Process and how to utilize it.