Motherhood: Balancing the Caretaker and the Warrior, pt 1 The Warrior


Athena, the goddess of wisdom, handicraft, classical learning, warfare, and the mother patron of democratic civilization. (Artist unknown)

The Warrior Woman. Can you remember a time when you first felt your inner warrior come out? How old were you? What was the situation? Where you advocating for yourself or for someone else? This week’s article is inspired by my own journey for getting in touch with my own inner warrior woman. On my journey, I have been burning away the cobwebs and gunk that clogged my thinking. Never would I have considered myself to have negative self-talk, but through resiliency training I learned that sometimes our thoughts are almost a blip or an essence of a thought. I didn’t talk down to myself by calling myself names, but my negative self-talk comes up as self-doubt and low confidence. Which stems from beliefs that I am unworthy, unlovable, or not good enough.


When you have the beliefs that do not serve you, your subconscious or ego will find ways to validate the beliefs because it feels safe to stay in what you have always known – allowing your base programming to run the show- rather than doing something new outside of that comfort zone. There are two choices when those negative thoughts come up, either you listen to them which keeps you small and keeps you as a pawn of your base programming; or you take control and prove them wrong. I am mentioning the negative self-talk stemming from outdated beliefs to help you to identify where the shadow aspects of archetypes as an old habit that is no longer serving you; and also to plant the seed for a future article and to also get you thinking about how you may allow these thoughts to control your life.


Becoming a mother sparked the warrior woman in me to express herself. She came out when I needed to advocate for my son. Speaking up for his health and wellbeing, and for his choices that are considered outside what is normal in our society- like his choice to have long hair. In the past it has been hard for me to speak up for myself and speak my truth because while growing up my feelings were always corrected, dismissed, or discredited. Assertiveness training has helped me learn to tap into my inner warrior by learning to speak my truth even if the other isn’t receptive and doesn’t really hear what I am conveying, my truth still needs to be said.


Those of you who follow my Instagram page have seen that I and my son have started Taekwondo and Krav Maga training just for me. This outlet has helped me to physically get my emotions out of my body and feel more confident in myself and learn what I am capable of doing. This outlet has been a release for my inner warrior who has lived mostly suppressed in repressed anger throughout my life and it feels so so good to let her out!


Let’s get into the archetypes of the Caregiver and the Warrior.. When reading about these archetypes, think about how YOU demonstrate the qualities, shadow and light, in each. This will be where you gauge where you are on your journey, and what you can do to balance them.


The Warrior

Related to the Throat Chakra- speaking our truth. The Book I referenced (for this article) is Awakening the Hero Within- Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World by Carol S. Pearson, she writes “The warrior escapes from a confining environment and begins the journey in search of a treasure. On the journey, he or she is called upon to face and slay many dragons. Such heroes have courage and subscribe to high ideals, and they are willing to risk their very lives to defend their kingdoms and their honor or to protect the weak from harm.

The Warrior within each of us calls us to have courage, strength, and integrity; the capacity to make goals and stick to them; and the ability to fight, when necessary, for ourselves and others.”


The Warrior has a high level of commitment to her integrity, and live and fight by her set of principles or values in most aspects of her life even at an economic or social cost. She is about claiming her power in the world, establishing her place in the world, and making that world a better place. She is about setting and protecting boundaries. Without a strong inner Warrior, we have no defense against the demands and intrusions of others. It is the warrior within that is humiliated when we do not speak up for ourselves or another.


So what does our shadow Warrior look like when we are out of balance or uncontrolled? She is overly competitive and has to be on top, primitive, unpleasant, and unproductive. She is working from the ego in a state of wanting to possess. They view the world through a filter, a belief, that everyone is categorized into one of three rolls; the hero, the villain, and the victim to be rescued. Their nearsighted view leads them to a narrow perspective which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. She will either destroy, conquer, or convert people who stand on her path; and the victims she saves pays the price of being under her total domination. In truth.. this may hurt.. She is the Orphan claiming her sense of powerlessness by trying to best or control others. She is in survival mode (imbalanced root chakra) and may have adrenal fatigue.


As stay at home mothers, we may get so wrapped up in our role as caretaker that we trade in our inner warrior and expect the men to carry the Warrior energy for both partners for economic, social, and physical protection of the man. Which leaves us unable to advocate for ourselves. Some women get so stuck in the “victim” role that she becomes the devouring Warrior, where because her Orphan or Innocent is wounded she will be stuck in a mindset where her children will end up saving her.


So what do we do with this knowledge? If you know someone in the shadow, you now know a little more about WHY they act the way they do, they are wounded. By fostering compassion and empathy for them as that wounded Orphan or Innocent, we can begin the healing process of forgiveness- letting go of the old story of how you were wronged and shift the perspective to see the experience as one that has taught you many lessons. This is where empowerment lies because by letting go of the old story about how you were wounded, you create space for a new positive, healing perspective to come in.


Carol S. Pearson says, “Until we develop clear boundaries, we will believe, rightly or wrongly, that we are being held prisoner by someone or something. Many times when people are beginning to claim their own identities in the world – especially if it is power based on claiming their own authentic voices- their fantasy is that if they do so, everyone will attack or abandon them.. This is doubly troubling to women who have been taught that powerful women are threatening to men.. Women frequently first contact their inner warrior in the service of their caregiver by fighting for others; only later do they learn to fight for themselves as well. It is not just speaking one’s truth that is required. Many times we do not need to tell anyone. We simply need to get clear what we want, act on that knowledge, and keep our focus absolutely on the goal, whatever other people think; or when we are stronger, take in other people’s advice and concerns , and adjust our strategy (not the goal) accordingly.”


Some powerful fact have just been thrown out there!

1) Until we develop clear boundaries, we believe we are being held prisoner.

2) The fear behind why boundaries are not made is the fear of rejection.

3) Most women in our society have been thought not to be a threat to men. So most women keep themselves small to assimilate.

4) We need to act only to maintain our own personal integrity to speak our truth. Meaning that it does not matter if the person is receptive to what you wish to convey, it is about speaking your truth for your own expression.


Ladies, let’s be real with ourselves. How true are these statements in you life? Now that awareness has been brought to you about how you may be working from beliefs that keep you from your full potential. Step one to stepping into your High Level Warrior is to begin to let go of the fear of rejection and to accept that you always have your power until you let others take it from you or you give it away.


How to be a High Level Warrior: Her real enemy is from within- sloth, cynicism, despair, irresponsibility, and denial. Her tools she courageously uses against them are- wisdom, self-discipline, and skill. She sets goals and strategizes steps to achieve them. She believes there is always a win-win-win solution and that is her motivating goal when problem solving.

To wrap up part one of this article, start to practice speaking your truth, even if it essentially goes unheard. Walking your truth is a muscle that needs to be flexed. Especially when we may not have worked this muscle much throughout our lives, it is never too late to start. Set those boundaries, say “no” when you know in your gut that you must. Start setting small easy to obtain goals and hold yourself accountable. Accountability is an expression of the Warrior’s integrity.


Blessings!




Part 2: The Caretaker will be released next Friday and will build upon the information presented here. During this next week, I encourage you to find ways in which you can speak your truth and find an outlet for you to express your inner warrior, however that may look to you.


As always, I would love to hear from you. What aha moments came up while reading this? In what ways do you plan to express your warrior to release some of that repressed frustration and anger? Let's start a conversation and support one another! You are not alone, most of us feel this way to some degree.

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