To my lovely, big hearted, generous EMPATH your kind loving heart is your super power!
We feel so deeply as our empathy puts us so easily into the other person’s shoes that sometimes we end up forgetting our perception/experiences/needs the more we FEEL for the other person. This is where our super power can entrap us in the fallacy of people pleasing without us even realizing it.
Ask yourself this, “do I insist in getting my point across? Or, do I insist in keeping peace?”
Sometimes we will sit down in fear of rocking the boat but in reality we have the legitimate right to stand up, rock the boat, or even tip it over to negotiate for change.
Sometimes we become so engrossed in another’s rationalizing, reasons, and excuses that we forget our own hurt feelings, needs, and perceptions. It can even overshadow our intuition making it hard to discern your feelings from your intuition. Especially if this person is one you're in a romantic relationship with or if the person is an authority, you may find that you compromise easily on things that you normally wouldn't.
Your angels remind you to PUT YOU FIRST!
This message is only to those empaths who fall into people pleasing tendencies, NOT to the people looking to justify their selfishness, which is a form of spiritual bypassing- a topic for another article.
“Put you first” means that you must put on your own oxygen mask before another’s, making sure that you are fed before you feed another.. It means that as a caretaker, you have to care take for yourself first or you won’t be able to care take for another. This is about long term sustainability of your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health- making sure that your metaphorical CUP is filled so that it can overflow into other’s cups.
This is the formula to being a lightworker.
Especially if you are a people pleaser this formula is the surviving to thriving key! It feels selfish or wrong because you have always been the people pleaser and ended up despising or resenting selfishness, but if you do not take care of yourself as well as you take care of others, you will deteriorate as no one else will take care of you.
YOU MUST LEARN TO VALIDATE YOURSELF by being so deeply grounded and rooted into your reality and sense of self like a big old oak tree where not even the wind can knock you down. At the core it is learning to have enough self-respect to say “no” when needed, or not over explaining or justifying your needs. To choose to honor your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and needs and learning how to meet them. Recognizing that what you ask for isn’t too much, that you have been made to feel guilty for having any needs at all!
Here’s your homework!
MINDFULNESS: Start paying attention to what your thoughts are saying. You will find that you may not be aware of what your thoughts say which give a good indication of what you’re feeling. From there you can figure out a few needs of yours that you can start to fulfill for yourself. Even if the need is “to feel connected” connect to yourself and to Source! The more you practice meeting your own needs you will find that the people pleasing tendencies will subside.
Try it and let me know!
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