Grief is a common topic approached in conversation with clients. Our western society is so afraid of endings that we try our best to live in cognitive dissonance and denial of the reality that endings are part of beginnings. The Hindu goddess, Kali, represents that new beginnings come from sometimes savage endings. That infinite possibilities are presented at every ending, we have to process how we feel and then align with what we want for our new beginning.
Some of my clients grieve the loss of a relationship and the future that they imagined for themselves. Some clients grieve the loss of a loved one and struggle with stepping into their new role without their loved one in their daily life. Some clients grieve the loss of a future they desire because they feel like obstacles keep compiling where they fear their goals may never be obtainable. Grief can feel so overwhelming like you are dwelling down in the dark deep ocean where not even the sun’s light shines. You may feel like you are blindly swimming around just trying to survive.
And so the first step to processing grief is..
Accept that it is ok to be where you are at. Grief has to be felt and processed. It is an adjustment to being forced into a new way of living and longing for the old, comfortable way things used to be. Its ok if you can’t get out of bed. Its ok if you struggle to focus on work. Its ok that you feel unmotivated and uninspired. Give yourself permission to be ok with where you are at right now.
The second step to processing grief is..
You are never a burden for feeling and being how you are right now. Don’t beat yourself up for being where you are at. Spirit says, “let yourself off the hook”. You are not a burden for needing time and space to process what you’re feeling. We all have a way we process things and giving yourself permission to process in your own way (as opposed to being self-conscious and closing up to your own grieving process) is vital to accepting the new reality and, baby-step by baby-step, you can begin to move forward.
Sometimes during our most darkest times we find out which people are truly in our corner. Some people aren’t capable of holding space for big emotions and it can be heartbreaking to lose the support of someone whom we thought would be there for us. Spirit is saying to you, “it is better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel bad.” Know then to lean on those people who can hold space for you while you process your grief. In return you can support them when times are tough in their life. Its ok to feel that appreciation even when you are simultaneously feeling your grief too.
Know that everything is going to be ok. Everything will be fine. It wont feel shitty like this forever. Every day feels a little lighter, then sometimes you may dive deep down again, but then come farther up towards the surface than you have been in a while. It will all work out and all you have to do is focus on feeling better, however that looks for you is good enough.
Much love to you <3
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